I have a rant. Oh, it is definitely a rant.
I have been trying to figure out why a man would express interest....pursue me....only to be playing a game and telling nothing but lies in the end (from the beginning). I'm baffled. I'm confused. I'm hurt. I'm angry. I'm saddened.
I had first spoken with Mr. P (P for "player", if you will) years ago...probably 4 (maybe even more) years ago. We apparently had great conversations via IM and email. Then, he disappeared (he was married...so, I'm assuming that he decided to focus on his wife and marriage). I forgot about him entirely. Then, last summer, he finds me online and the tenuous threads are picked back up. I didn't remember him. But, I did, after his jogging my memory, remember bits and pieces of conversations had years prior. It was nice. It was refreshing. It was fun. It was probably flirty...if I knew how to flirt.
He suggested meeting for brunch on a Sunday. How cool is that? It isn't traditional. It isn't what one would expect. It was perfect. The meeting went great! Better than I could have hoped or planned. Brunch started out with, what seemed, typical hilarity. He forgot his wallet. After assuring him that I could pay this time, he placed me into his Jeep and drove me back to his place (was I crazy?? Probably so.). He ran in...got the wallet...and then, we went back for brunch. The conversation was way better than the meal (although the later Krispy Kreme donut treat as "dessert" was definitely tasty).
He was separated from his wife, trying to find his place in life, and had these zany ideas about what could occur on what date. I found it totally funny....if rather strange, but respected those ideas. You can't map out a relationship or friendship. It just happens....at it's own pace.
We had many conversations on the phone, by IM, by text message. We didn't have as many face-to-face dates since our work schedules are total opposites and we live with an entire Metropolitan area between us. The dates we had seemed unconventional, but very fitting. We spent an evening sitting in the Marietta Town Square. We talked. We laughed. We commented on the "characters" that drifted through the Square. And, let me just say that there were definite characters!
Things seemed to be progressing at a rather nice pace. Or so I thought. He then decides that we can only be friends (uh huh....I thought that's what we were)...and, so I go that route according to his standards. Then, he pulls some wacky "You're going to fast" "It's all your fault" thing and disappears. Well, okay then! How did I miss the nutjob side?
He contacts me again, by text message, the first week of January, 2010. The tentative threads of a shaky friendship are picked up. They quickly strengthen and grow. Conversations again turn into lengthly ones. Flirting happens. Closeness seems to appear again. He sends email after email one morning about how he needs my address....how he HAS to come over. And, because I thought he was trustworthy and someone I liked, I allowed him. He turns on the charm and makes his move...and I fall for that. And, so the "relationship" goes. Or so I thought (again). There were a couple of times during these past 6 months where he'd pull back some...but, at least he was communicating this go round. I thought that was progress. He came to my house. I went to his townhouse. I spent the weekend there. We went out. We stayed in. We laughed. We had fun. We played. We cried. We snuggled. We shared amazing intimacies. We enjoyed getting to know each other. Or so I thought.
We made plans for things to do in the near future: a Maroon 5 concert. Other shows. Camping. Shooting. Pool. Movies. Dinners. Nothing and everything. The basis was always friendship (with the extras icing the top). Or so I thought.
Last Wednesday, I get an email (after having spent the weekend at his place (just an added bit: I was planning to go over Saturday morning....he made it clear that he'd rather have me come over Friday night...and so I did)). A familiar themed email saying how he needs to just be friends. He is having a difficult time spiritually. He needs to focus on himself. I can kind of understand that. I'm trying to understand that. I didn't want to lose who I thought was a great friend.
Then, I get an email on Thursday afternoon about how he has lied to me....used me. He said that this "friend" he'd told me about....JUST a friend....over and over that's what he said...wasn't "just a friend". He said that she was his girlfriend and lover of 15 months. Shock? Heck yes!! I tried to process this..and simply couldn't. Thinking back...he'd only been "seeing" her a VERY few months when he started searched for, found, and pursued me last summer! What the crap????
During the course of the night, I was pretty much called everything you could possibly imagine. I was told that it was my fault. I NEVER knew about her as anything other than his friend. Period. She claims that I should have seen things around his townhouse....her clothes...photos of her (there were supposedly many)....toiletries. I can sit here and tell you that Mr. P worked EXTREMELY hard to cover the tracks of this person. There were NO photos, other than ONE of his grandmother. There were NO toiletries (wait...I can't totally say that. I went into the upstairs guest bath for the first time that weekend. There was a hair dryer, a brush. He claims that these are things he bought for friends who happen to visit/stay over). There were NO women's clothes that I EVER saw. It looked like a bachelor pad. The first weekend spent over there...I wouldn't have thought a woman had EVER been there based on the bathrooms alone. I'm not perfect....I may slip once in a while in the dusting/vacuuming duties....but, I had to clean the bathrooms...and gagged while doing so. The kitchen got scrubbed as much as I could without offending Mr. P. Seriously? No woman could spend as much time as this one proclaims she does and have the bathrooms and kitchen look as they did. Well, maybe you can...but, you can bet your hiney that wouldn't be a place I'd want to visit too often!!
I think I'm the ONLY one who sees that it would take a crap-load of work to put away EVERY, SINGLE TRACE of a "girlfriend's" existence when, according to said "girlfriend", she had stuff all over his place. Errm....that's kind of sick, don't you think? (I failed to mention that she's married.....still living with her husband and kids. And, Mr. P is still married too).
Yesterday was the last straw --- getting text messages from the "girlfriend" accusing ME of calling Mr. P's phone twice and blocking my number? I'm an adult. I don't need the BS. I don't need their drama. I don't need their lies. I'm so sick of this type of behavior. I want a drama free life!! And, that's what I strive for. (More than once, he said that one of the things he liked best about me was that there wasn't any drama with me.) Seriously....those two have enough issues, problems, drama, lies and BS that their focus should NOT be on me!!! The "girlfriend" claims that they fight A LOT. Hmmm...I wonder why? Lies, BS, games and drama do that...cause fights!!
I'm angry with myself for allowing someone like that to totally snow me, lie to me, use me and waste months and months of my time.
I was a victim here. And, I despise being the victim. I'm moving forward. I'm trying to learn from this mistake (as I have from others in the past). I'm trying to figure out how I can tell when a lying bastard is lying. I'm simply done. I just want those two nutjobs to leave me the heck alone and allow me to live a life that they will never be able to attain without serious, and lengthy, professional help.
I'm not perfect...but, I don't have a need to lie and use people. I'm better than that.
Aren't there ANY decent, honest men out there???
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