January 5, 2015

 

A friend recently shared an article on Fb that talked about 20 Easy, Everyday Things You Can Do To Improve Your Life in 2016.  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/paige-smith/20-easy-everyday-things-you-can-do-to-improve-your-life-in-2016_b_8901350.html

I thought, I can always improve my life!!  I always WANT to improve my life.  Let's see what this thing has to offer/suggest!

The #1 thing is "Write down three things that you're grateful for every day".

I can do this.  I should do this.  I thought what a great way to pick up this blog that I ignore way too often.

It is January 5, 2015.  Today I am grateful for....

1. Heated seats and steering wheel in my car.  I bought this lil' baby in September 2015. It just rolled over 4,000 miles.  We have been having this insanely warm weather deal in Georgia. So, instead of it feeling like winter; it feels more like Spring!  It's crazy!  I have been looking at these buttons on my car for heated seats and steering wheel. And, they have been seriously unloved and unused.  This morning, was COLD!  Finally!  (I can get excited about cold, in case you might not know this tidbit about me). So, I pushed those cute little buttons and within seconds...there is heavenly and welcomed warmth where normally there is only cold leather. Buick, thank you for keeping my butt and hands toasty!
2. I am grateful for my eyesight. I know this is something that I take for granted just about every second of every day.  But, it really is a privilege to be able to enjoy the colors of the world that God created for us. It's astounding the diversity and vivid colors with which we are presented each and every day. Thank you, God for making such a beautiful world for such an imperfect creature to enjoy.
3. I am grateful for Mother. She is truly a little nutjob. She is currently driving from Atlanta to Omaha, NE with my nephew.  Well, he is driving.  I'm sure she thinks she is navigating. She is 75 years old. And, finally...maybe...she is going to take charge of her life and see the beauty of her freedom. She's off making memories and I love that she is still able to do so.

I know this post will probably be far longer than most of the days I attempt to do this task!

How are you going to try to improve your life in 2016?

It's been a while. Probably too long.

I'm not much of a writer/blogger. I really tend to keep my emotions bottled up inside.  There are a few of you who will think that is the biggest fib I have ever told....but, it's actually quite true.  There aren't too many that I trust enough to truly open up with.  I originally thought writing down my thoughts and feelings would help with that bottling up thing. And, it probably did when I needed it the most. I was looking back through my oh-so-few blog posts and realize how much I have been wrong about events and people that have happened along in my life. I realize too, though, how much those "wrongful" things have sculpted who I am and are a part of me.

I struggle daily with self-doubt. I think I have my entire life. Again, not many will think that's a true statement. Few know my real struggles and fears. Sometimes, I'm not sure even I know them. They sneak up on me.  Usually around 3am. That seems to be the witching hour for me.

I'm standing up. I'm "Facing my Giants" as a book by Max Lucado talks about. I am my own worst enemy. I never think I'm good enough or smart enough or pretty enough or.....enough. I am me. And, I'm struggling to embrace me and love who I am. I'm making a promise to myself to love me more than I ever have before. I'm making a promise to myself to focus on me...instead of everything and everyone else.

You see, focusing on others...that's the easy thing for me. Then, I don't have to address the fact that I have little-to-no self-esteem. If I focus on others, I don't have insecurities or failures. But, in that focusing on others, I lose all sense of who I am. I need to stop doing that. I'm slowly learning that I'm important. I am. I have denied that for 45 years. I can't deny it for the next ? however many years.

I start today.

And, that is all.

Me.

Even more changes are coming!

Today is Wednesday, October 20, 2010. I turned 41 three days ago. I wasn't ready for 40. I'm certainly not ready for 41. It just sounds SO old. I don't feel old! Most days, anyway. My "birthday weekend" was probably the best I think I have ever had. Why?

I'm SO glad you asked. :)

I honestly think that I've met my soul mate. He just feels so right in my life. He....fits. He makes me laugh. He irritates the crap out of me. But, I can't stay irritated for long. He makes me feel special. And, I think I can honestly say that I have never felt "special" before in my life. It's a new feeling. And, I love how that is so different from everything else I have ever experienced before.

So, M came over Friday after work. That, in itself, was a treat since I thought he wasn't going to be able to get there until Saturday morning. We had planned a Yard Sale at my house. We set out all of the stuff to make things easier the next morning. I got a phone call from Apple offering me the job I'd been interviewing for the past week for. Super excitement! Then, we went to dinner with my sister and brother-in-law. Mexican. Yumminess! I'm still saying M's beer was a swimming pool! Holy smokes!

We got some good sleep and started the day EARLY! Got everything set up! I was SO excited! I had never had a yard sale of my own. It was ssssllllloooooooooooowww. What a let down. I had made a goal for myself to sell enough stuff to pay for my tag. I barely did that. YAY! At least I managed to pay something! Georgia defeated Vandy! Double YAY! We went out to Outback for dinner. That was a yummy Wallaby Darned! M totally spoils me. He should know that I can cook...but, he rarely lets me. And, when I do, he is always there helping me. I love that about him.

Sunday was a little lazier. We went out to breakfast. Have I mentioned that the man refuses to let me cook?? We just goofed around. Did some laundry. Enjoyed my back deck. Ran out to get stuff to grill burgers for dinner. I could totally spend every day that relaxed, that complete, that happy. The only drawback to Sunday is that I know he has to go home. While we live in the same Metropolitan city, well....the entire metropolitan area is between us. That makes for some stinky separation during the week. :(

I start training for Apple this weekend. I'm a little scared. I'm also very excited. This is something I need to do for some peace of mind for me. The economy has really hurt my company. I have never felt this unsure, scared and worried about how to survive than I do today. Apple will be a good thing. But, I know that is will seriously cut into the time I'm able to spend with M, my family, me. I'll be working most evenings and weekends. That doesn't leave much goofing off time that I so enjoy. But, I'm going to make this work! I will! M says that I shouldn't worry about him...that he is NOT going anywhere. He has even been sweet enough to say that on weekends, he will be there waiting for me when I get finished at the store. I would so love that!

It's been a long while

I haven't really felt like writing a blog lately. A lot has been going on in my life. Mostly for the not-so-good...I'm sorry to say.

I feel like my life is in a constant state of turmoil of late. I don't like this. I don't want this. I love stability. I love security.

On October 1, 2010, my father was involuntarily committed to a psychiatric ward in the Catawba Valley Medical Center. So many people who found out would respond with "I'm so sorry!" Please, don't be sorry. He is very sick and needs help. We had such high hopes that this would be a great thing. We, sadly, were mistaken. While he may have received some good medical care there....the personal care was beyond neglectful...it was downright abusive. My mother finally had the opportunity to go for a visit to sign some paperwork, see Dad....about a week after he was committeed/admitted. She said when she got there, she was appalled at the state of my father. He was....nasty. Not just dirty...missed a bath....NASTY. He had been in the same adult diaper for two days. A nurse on the floor comfirmed the 2 days was factual. That is inhumane! Animals are treated better than this. Mother cleaned him up..made sure he was in clean clothes, etc. That broke her heart. I made a phone call after hearing this from her and (to sound totally Southern)...pitched one hell of a fit with some lady there named Jackie. No one really seemed to give a crap about the piss-poor treatment and care of the patients. I KNOW that it can't just be an isolated incident. I would bet everything I have that ALL of the patients on that floor are being treated just as poorly. Well....after this morning....that facility will be investigated by the State. Hopefully....that will rectify any further atrocities.

Thankfully, my father was transferred to a rehabilitation facility in Rutherfordton. He has been sent here to rehab after having been determined to have had more strokes recently.

If you believe in the power of prayer, please keep my parents in your thoughts and prayers. This is more than likely going to be a very long road to recovery...if any recovery is even possible.

My company is struggling. This is nothing new. I feel like I'm beating my head against the wall most days. I pray for some relief. Sometimes I wonder if God is really listening. I know that he is.....it's just a really rough patch.

I have recently gone through 3 of the 4 interviews with Apple at the Mall of Georgia. It's just a part-time gig. I hope that I am accepted for employment. I think it would be fun and keep me busy enough to MAYBE (hopefully!) keep the hives under control! Now, that would truly be a blessing.

On a good note: I have met someone really nice. We have had some ups and downs. He isn't in the best possible scenario in his personal life. He says he is working on that. I never knew I could care this much about someone. I didn't, honestly, think it was possible. I have heard others talk...and thought that it was just that....TALK. Now, perhaps I do know what they were talking about. It's extraordinary. It's fun. It's twitterpating. It's scary. I'm trying to be patient. He is definitely worth the wait.

Now that Fall seems to genuinely be here...I'm going to resume my walking. Mike says that since we met in June, my shape has changed and he can see such a difference. I'm not convinced that he isn't just being really sweet.

I will try to check back in soon. And, hopefully the news to report will be good news!

I know. I know. It's been a while since I sat down and organized my thoughts enough to express a written viewpoint.

So, I was designing a MagnaCard for a client. It's a schedule for football for Buford Wolves, Georgia and ::icky:: Georgia Tech. And, as I'm typing this out, I'm starting to get excited about the upcoming Georgia football season. For those who know me, you know I LOVE some Georgia football. I'm not a sports fanatic. I'm not. Really. I am a Georgia football fanatic! I love it. The thrill. The rivalry. The sights. The sounds. The smells. The fun. The....well. The Religion. In the South, college football IS religion.

The saying is:



That just really sums up Georgia Football for me. So, as of today, August 3...it's one month and one day until the first game of the 2010 season. Bring on Louisiana-Lafayette. I am beyond ready for some football! GO DAWGS! SIC 'EM!


Now, for a small update of my "all about changing me" program. It has been ridiculously hot here in Georgia for the past month. Hot. Humid. Miserable. So, my walks have been kept short, if at all. I've tried to do more around the house, but I have to admit..I'm itching to get back to my walks along the Greenway. I miss that. Who EVER would have thought *I* would have said something like THAT???

Monday, June 28, 2010

Today would have been my maternal grandmother's 94'th birthday. She has been gone 15 years. Strangely, and not so strangely, I still miss her. She was an inspiration for everyone. She truly LOVED life. She lived a sheltered life, she never learned to drive a car or obtain a driver's license. When we got her out of her comfort zone, she was even more of a blast to have around.

I remember, fondly, my parents taking her on a cruise with us to celebrate my graduation from high school. She had never been anywhere like that; never done anything like that. Quite a few family members went, including my great aunt from my father's side of the family. Watching those two women have fun was hilarious...simply hilarious. My great aunt was pretty well off and had traveled extensively. But, watching her experience a cruise again for the first time through someone else was priceless. I saw my grandmother gamble for the first time (each of them got a roll of quarters; shared a slot machine; and took turns). I saw my grandmother taking dance lessons. And, she wasn't half bad! I saw my grandmother have her first alcoholic drink. And, she liked it! Talk about someone getting the giggles after a drink. Maybe that's where I get my tendencies.

I think the most amazing and funny part was watching my grandmother flirt with our waiter. He was gay, but he flirted right back with that little, old lady. And, she loved every moment of the attention. I still remember his name, after all these years...Timothy. I haven't a clue what his last name is, but I offer him a heartfelt "Thanks" for making a trip of a lifetime even better for my grandmother.

My grandmother had a lot of medical problems: heart attack in her 50's, diabetes, hepatitis, a broken hip. None of those things ended her brilliant life. She was diagnosed with cancer shortly after her broken hip. She didn't last long and we made the most of the time we knew we had left with her.

I have never heard anyone say anything negative about my grandmother. I only wish I could say the same about myself.

Polly, I know you're looking down on us from Heaven. I know you're in Heaven, because there's just no other place you'd be. You were one of the best God made. And, I know Heaven is a brighter, better place because you're there in it. With that said, I still miss you daily. We still share our stories about you. Chas is so much like you at times, and that brings a smile to my face. As mother ages, we see more and more of you coming out in her. We call her "PJ" for "Polly Junior." She likes that title.

I love you. I miss you dearly.

So...do you have a "Bucket List"?

I was talking with a friend of mine and the subject of the infamous "Bucket List" (by the way, if you haven't seen the movie...it's totally hilarious) came up. I have one. And, I pulled it out and looked it over. And, realize that I need to work on that a lot more than I have been (basically, I haven't been).

I thought I'd share mine with whomever choosing to read my blogs (probably not that many).

To dive the Great Barrier Reef
Explore Ireland and stay in a castle
See the flowers blooming in Holland
To fly a plane
To drive a race car
Learn a new language
Learn sign language
Lose enough weight to really make myself feel good about myself
Own a Bed & Breakfast
Shoot under 90 in golf
Make a difference in someone's life
See the Northern Lights
Get a complete makeover
Go camping
Swim with dolphins
Learn to knit
Spend a weekend at a spa
Be in love
Be taken away on a romantic getaway (where I did NONE of the planning...and it is a total surprise)

I guess, technically, I AM working on losing weight. It's a slow process. It didn't get here overnight; I won't get rid of it overnight. But, wouldn't it be nice if we could???? I might be willing to pay for that option! But, only if it stayed off.

What is YOUR Bucket List?