Today is Wednesday, October 20, 2010. I turned 41 three days ago. I wasn't ready for 40. I'm certainly not ready for 41. It just sounds SO old. I don't feel old! Most days, anyway. My "birthday weekend" was probably the best I think I have ever had. Why?
I'm SO glad you asked. :)
I honestly think that I've met my soul mate. He just feels so right in my life. He....fits. He makes me laugh. He irritates the crap out of me. But, I can't stay irritated for long. He makes me feel special. And, I think I can honestly say that I have never felt "special" before in my life. It's a new feeling. And, I love how that is so different from everything else I have ever experienced before.
So, M came over Friday after work. That, in itself, was a treat since I thought he wasn't going to be able to get there until Saturday morning. We had planned a Yard Sale at my house. We set out all of the stuff to make things easier the next morning. I got a phone call from Apple offering me the job I'd been interviewing for the past week for. Super excitement! Then, we went to dinner with my sister and brother-in-law. Mexican. Yumminess! I'm still saying M's beer was a swimming pool! Holy smokes!
We got some good sleep and started the day EARLY! Got everything set up! I was SO excited! I had never had a yard sale of my own. It was ssssllllloooooooooooowww. What a let down. I had made a goal for myself to sell enough stuff to pay for my tag. I barely did that. YAY! At least I managed to pay something! Georgia defeated Vandy! Double YAY! We went out to Outback for dinner. That was a yummy Wallaby Darned! M totally spoils me. He should know that I can cook...but, he rarely lets me. And, when I do, he is always there helping me. I love that about him.
Sunday was a little lazier. We went out to breakfast. Have I mentioned that the man refuses to let me cook?? We just goofed around. Did some laundry. Enjoyed my back deck. Ran out to get stuff to grill burgers for dinner. I could totally spend every day that relaxed, that complete, that happy. The only drawback to Sunday is that I know he has to go home. While we live in the same Metropolitan city, well....the entire metropolitan area is between us. That makes for some stinky separation during the week. :(
I start training for Apple this weekend. I'm a little scared. I'm also very excited. This is something I need to do for some peace of mind for me. The economy has really hurt my company. I have never felt this unsure, scared and worried about how to survive than I do today. Apple will be a good thing. But, I know that is will seriously cut into the time I'm able to spend with M, my family, me. I'll be working most evenings and weekends. That doesn't leave much goofing off time that I so enjoy. But, I'm going to make this work! I will! M says that I shouldn't worry about him...that he is NOT going anywhere. He has even been sweet enough to say that on weekends, he will be there waiting for me when I get finished at the store. I would so love that!
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
It's been a long while
I haven't really felt like writing a blog lately. A lot has been going on in my life. Mostly for the not-so-good...I'm sorry to say.
I feel like my life is in a constant state of turmoil of late. I don't like this. I don't want this. I love stability. I love security.
On October 1, 2010, my father was involuntarily committed to a psychiatric ward in the Catawba Valley Medical Center. So many people who found out would respond with "I'm so sorry!" Please, don't be sorry. He is very sick and needs help. We had such high hopes that this would be a great thing. We, sadly, were mistaken. While he may have received some good medical care there....the personal care was beyond neglectful...it was downright abusive. My mother finally had the opportunity to go for a visit to sign some paperwork, see Dad....about a week after he was committeed/admitted. She said when she got there, she was appalled at the state of my father. He was....nasty. Not just dirty...missed a bath....NASTY. He had been in the same adult diaper for two days. A nurse on the floor comfirmed the 2 days was factual. That is inhumane! Animals are treated better than this. Mother cleaned him up..made sure he was in clean clothes, etc. That broke her heart. I made a phone call after hearing this from her and (to sound totally Southern)...pitched one hell of a fit with some lady there named Jackie. No one really seemed to give a crap about the piss-poor treatment and care of the patients. I KNOW that it can't just be an isolated incident. I would bet everything I have that ALL of the patients on that floor are being treated just as poorly. Well....after this morning....that facility will be investigated by the State. Hopefully....that will rectify any further atrocities.
Thankfully, my father was transferred to a rehabilitation facility in Rutherfordton. He has been sent here to rehab after having been determined to have had more strokes recently.
If you believe in the power of prayer, please keep my parents in your thoughts and prayers. This is more than likely going to be a very long road to recovery...if any recovery is even possible.
My company is struggling. This is nothing new. I feel like I'm beating my head against the wall most days. I pray for some relief. Sometimes I wonder if God is really listening. I know that he is.....it's just a really rough patch.
I have recently gone through 3 of the 4 interviews with Apple at the Mall of Georgia. It's just a part-time gig. I hope that I am accepted for employment. I think it would be fun and keep me busy enough to MAYBE (hopefully!) keep the hives under control! Now, that would truly be a blessing.
On a good note: I have met someone really nice. We have had some ups and downs. He isn't in the best possible scenario in his personal life. He says he is working on that. I never knew I could care this much about someone. I didn't, honestly, think it was possible. I have heard others talk...and thought that it was just that....TALK. Now, perhaps I do know what they were talking about. It's extraordinary. It's fun. It's twitterpating. It's scary. I'm trying to be patient. He is definitely worth the wait.
Now that Fall seems to genuinely be here...I'm going to resume my walking. Mike says that since we met in June, my shape has changed and he can see such a difference. I'm not convinced that he isn't just being really sweet.
I will try to check back in soon. And, hopefully the news to report will be good news!
I feel like my life is in a constant state of turmoil of late. I don't like this. I don't want this. I love stability. I love security.
On October 1, 2010, my father was involuntarily committed to a psychiatric ward in the Catawba Valley Medical Center. So many people who found out would respond with "I'm so sorry!" Please, don't be sorry. He is very sick and needs help. We had such high hopes that this would be a great thing. We, sadly, were mistaken. While he may have received some good medical care there....the personal care was beyond neglectful...it was downright abusive. My mother finally had the opportunity to go for a visit to sign some paperwork, see Dad....about a week after he was committeed/admitted. She said when she got there, she was appalled at the state of my father. He was....nasty. Not just dirty...missed a bath....NASTY. He had been in the same adult diaper for two days. A nurse on the floor comfirmed the 2 days was factual. That is inhumane! Animals are treated better than this. Mother cleaned him up..made sure he was in clean clothes, etc. That broke her heart. I made a phone call after hearing this from her and (to sound totally Southern)...pitched one hell of a fit with some lady there named Jackie. No one really seemed to give a crap about the piss-poor treatment and care of the patients. I KNOW that it can't just be an isolated incident. I would bet everything I have that ALL of the patients on that floor are being treated just as poorly. Well....after this morning....that facility will be investigated by the State. Hopefully....that will rectify any further atrocities.
Thankfully, my father was transferred to a rehabilitation facility in Rutherfordton. He has been sent here to rehab after having been determined to have had more strokes recently.
If you believe in the power of prayer, please keep my parents in your thoughts and prayers. This is more than likely going to be a very long road to recovery...if any recovery is even possible.
My company is struggling. This is nothing new. I feel like I'm beating my head against the wall most days. I pray for some relief. Sometimes I wonder if God is really listening. I know that he is.....it's just a really rough patch.
I have recently gone through 3 of the 4 interviews with Apple at the Mall of Georgia. It's just a part-time gig. I hope that I am accepted for employment. I think it would be fun and keep me busy enough to MAYBE (hopefully!) keep the hives under control! Now, that would truly be a blessing.
On a good note: I have met someone really nice. We have had some ups and downs. He isn't in the best possible scenario in his personal life. He says he is working on that. I never knew I could care this much about someone. I didn't, honestly, think it was possible. I have heard others talk...and thought that it was just that....TALK. Now, perhaps I do know what they were talking about. It's extraordinary. It's fun. It's twitterpating. It's scary. I'm trying to be patient. He is definitely worth the wait.
Now that Fall seems to genuinely be here...I'm going to resume my walking. Mike says that since we met in June, my shape has changed and he can see such a difference. I'm not convinced that he isn't just being really sweet.
I will try to check back in soon. And, hopefully the news to report will be good news!
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
I know. I know. It's been a while since I sat down and organized my thoughts enough to express a written viewpoint.
So, I was designing a MagnaCard for a client. It's a schedule for football for Buford Wolves, Georgia and ::icky:: Georgia Tech. And, as I'm typing this out, I'm starting to get excited about the upcoming Georgia football season. For those who know me, you know I LOVE some Georgia football. I'm not a sports fanatic. I'm not. Really. I am a Georgia football fanatic! I love it. The thrill. The rivalry. The sights. The sounds. The smells. The fun. The....well. The Religion. In the South, college football IS religion.
The saying is:
That just really sums up Georgia Football for me. So, as of today, August 3...it's one month and one day until the first game of the 2010 season. Bring on Louisiana-Lafayette. I am beyond ready for some football! GO DAWGS! SIC 'EM!
Now, for a small update of my "all about changing me" program. It has been ridiculously hot here in Georgia for the past month. Hot. Humid. Miserable. So, my walks have been kept short, if at all. I've tried to do more around the house, but I have to admit..I'm itching to get back to my walks along the Greenway. I miss that. Who EVER would have thought *I* would have said something like THAT???
So, I was designing a MagnaCard for a client. It's a schedule for football for Buford Wolves, Georgia and ::icky:: Georgia Tech. And, as I'm typing this out, I'm starting to get excited about the upcoming Georgia football season. For those who know me, you know I LOVE some Georgia football. I'm not a sports fanatic. I'm not. Really. I am a Georgia football fanatic! I love it. The thrill. The rivalry. The sights. The sounds. The smells. The fun. The....well. The Religion. In the South, college football IS religion.
The saying is:
That just really sums up Georgia Football for me. So, as of today, August 3...it's one month and one day until the first game of the 2010 season. Bring on Louisiana-Lafayette. I am beyond ready for some football! GO DAWGS! SIC 'EM!
Now, for a small update of my "all about changing me" program. It has been ridiculously hot here in Georgia for the past month. Hot. Humid. Miserable. So, my walks have been kept short, if at all. I've tried to do more around the house, but I have to admit..I'm itching to get back to my walks along the Greenway. I miss that. Who EVER would have thought *I* would have said something like THAT???
Monday, June 28, 2010
Monday, June 28, 2010
Today would have been my maternal grandmother's 94'th birthday. She has been gone 15 years. Strangely, and not so strangely, I still miss her. She was an inspiration for everyone. She truly LOVED life. She lived a sheltered life, she never learned to drive a car or obtain a driver's license. When we got her out of her comfort zone, she was even more of a blast to have around.
I remember, fondly, my parents taking her on a cruise with us to celebrate my graduation from high school. She had never been anywhere like that; never done anything like that. Quite a few family members went, including my great aunt from my father's side of the family. Watching those two women have fun was hilarious...simply hilarious. My great aunt was pretty well off and had traveled extensively. But, watching her experience a cruise again for the first time through someone else was priceless. I saw my grandmother gamble for the first time (each of them got a roll of quarters; shared a slot machine; and took turns). I saw my grandmother taking dance lessons. And, she wasn't half bad! I saw my grandmother have her first alcoholic drink. And, she liked it! Talk about someone getting the giggles after a drink. Maybe that's where I get my tendencies.
I think the most amazing and funny part was watching my grandmother flirt with our waiter. He was gay, but he flirted right back with that little, old lady. And, she loved every moment of the attention. I still remember his name, after all these years...Timothy. I haven't a clue what his last name is, but I offer him a heartfelt "Thanks" for making a trip of a lifetime even better for my grandmother.
My grandmother had a lot of medical problems: heart attack in her 50's, diabetes, hepatitis, a broken hip. None of those things ended her brilliant life. She was diagnosed with cancer shortly after her broken hip. She didn't last long and we made the most of the time we knew we had left with her.
I have never heard anyone say anything negative about my grandmother. I only wish I could say the same about myself.
Polly, I know you're looking down on us from Heaven. I know you're in Heaven, because there's just no other place you'd be. You were one of the best God made. And, I know Heaven is a brighter, better place because you're there in it. With that said, I still miss you daily. We still share our stories about you. Chas is so much like you at times, and that brings a smile to my face. As mother ages, we see more and more of you coming out in her. We call her "PJ" for "Polly Junior." She likes that title.
I love you. I miss you dearly.
I remember, fondly, my parents taking her on a cruise with us to celebrate my graduation from high school. She had never been anywhere like that; never done anything like that. Quite a few family members went, including my great aunt from my father's side of the family. Watching those two women have fun was hilarious...simply hilarious. My great aunt was pretty well off and had traveled extensively. But, watching her experience a cruise again for the first time through someone else was priceless. I saw my grandmother gamble for the first time (each of them got a roll of quarters; shared a slot machine; and took turns). I saw my grandmother taking dance lessons. And, she wasn't half bad! I saw my grandmother have her first alcoholic drink. And, she liked it! Talk about someone getting the giggles after a drink. Maybe that's where I get my tendencies.
I think the most amazing and funny part was watching my grandmother flirt with our waiter. He was gay, but he flirted right back with that little, old lady. And, she loved every moment of the attention. I still remember his name, after all these years...Timothy. I haven't a clue what his last name is, but I offer him a heartfelt "Thanks" for making a trip of a lifetime even better for my grandmother.
My grandmother had a lot of medical problems: heart attack in her 50's, diabetes, hepatitis, a broken hip. None of those things ended her brilliant life. She was diagnosed with cancer shortly after her broken hip. She didn't last long and we made the most of the time we knew we had left with her.
I have never heard anyone say anything negative about my grandmother. I only wish I could say the same about myself.
Polly, I know you're looking down on us from Heaven. I know you're in Heaven, because there's just no other place you'd be. You were one of the best God made. And, I know Heaven is a brighter, better place because you're there in it. With that said, I still miss you daily. We still share our stories about you. Chas is so much like you at times, and that brings a smile to my face. As mother ages, we see more and more of you coming out in her. We call her "PJ" for "Polly Junior." She likes that title.
I love you. I miss you dearly.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
So...do you have a "Bucket List"?
I was talking with a friend of mine and the subject of the infamous "Bucket List" (by the way, if you haven't seen the movie...it's totally hilarious) came up. I have one. And, I pulled it out and looked it over. And, realize that I need to work on that a lot more than I have been (basically, I haven't been).
I thought I'd share mine with whomever choosing to read my blogs (probably not that many).
To dive the Great Barrier Reef
Explore Ireland and stay in a castle
See the flowers blooming in Holland
To fly a plane
To drive a race car
Learn a new language
Learn sign language
Lose enough weight to really make myself feel good about myself
Own a Bed & Breakfast
Shoot under 90 in golf
Make a difference in someone's life
See the Northern Lights
Get a complete makeover
Go camping
Swim with dolphins
Learn to knit
Spend a weekend at a spa
Be in love
Be taken away on a romantic getaway (where I did NONE of the planning...and it is a total surprise)
I guess, technically, I AM working on losing weight. It's a slow process. It didn't get here overnight; I won't get rid of it overnight. But, wouldn't it be nice if we could???? I might be willing to pay for that option! But, only if it stayed off.
What is YOUR Bucket List?
I thought I'd share mine with whomever choosing to read my blogs (probably not that many).
To dive the Great Barrier Reef
Explore Ireland and stay in a castle
See the flowers blooming in Holland
To fly a plane
To drive a race car
Learn a new language
Learn sign language
Lose enough weight to really make myself feel good about myself
Own a Bed & Breakfast
Shoot under 90 in golf
Make a difference in someone's life
See the Northern Lights
Get a complete makeover
Go camping
Swim with dolphins
Learn to knit
Spend a weekend at a spa
Be in love
Be taken away on a romantic getaway (where I did NONE of the planning...and it is a total surprise)
I guess, technically, I AM working on losing weight. It's a slow process. It didn't get here overnight; I won't get rid of it overnight. But, wouldn't it be nice if we could???? I might be willing to pay for that option! But, only if it stayed off.
What is YOUR Bucket List?
Monday, June 21, 2010
The first day of Summer...2010
Well, it's June 21, 2010. It's the first official day of Summer. And, it already feels like it's August in Georgia. The humidity is a killer. But, at least we aren't experiencing horrific drought situations like we were just two years ago.
I'm feeling kind of blah today. I'm sure it's just a combination of a lot of small things adding up to seem insurmountable.
I haven't been walking as much lately. The heat is crazy at 93º. So, I've been shortening my walks to 2 miles or less. That doesn't make me feel like I'm accomplishing very much. That is certainly a level of frustration.
I did spend the weekend...well, most of it...in North Carolina at my parents'. My father's health is decidedly failing. It's a sad thing to see. But, I'm a firm believer of you reap what you sow...and a part of me has to wonder if this isn't his payback for years of not being a very nice person to his family. I think it's harder, even still, to see how difficult this is for my mother. I don't, honestly, know how to she does all that she does. It's like taking care of a small baby most of the time...only with a teenager's defiance. She's a strong lady, that's a certainty.
I'm sitting here contemplating my life; taking stock of things I'm not happy with and how I can go about putting into motion actions that will change and improve it. I'm, sadly, at a standstill with this part of the train of thought.
I know I have to take things one day at a time. Continue to live my life in the best way that I know how. And, hope for the best. I have been a little slack in my prayers lately. Perhaps that is another issue that is adding angst to my life.
I am deciding to go for a walk after work today along the Greenway. I'm going to walk for more than 2 miles. Maybe that will be my focus and will be the "accomplishment" that I'm needing today.
As for work, things feel slow today. I don't like that. I'd rather have the phones ringing off the hook...and no time at all to even think about a blog, much less updating it. I definitely need to put forth more effort in praying more often and more sincerely. God knows this. I know this. Now, it's up to me to make it happen.
Wish me luck!
I'm feeling kind of blah today. I'm sure it's just a combination of a lot of small things adding up to seem insurmountable.
I haven't been walking as much lately. The heat is crazy at 93º. So, I've been shortening my walks to 2 miles or less. That doesn't make me feel like I'm accomplishing very much. That is certainly a level of frustration.
I did spend the weekend...well, most of it...in North Carolina at my parents'. My father's health is decidedly failing. It's a sad thing to see. But, I'm a firm believer of you reap what you sow...and a part of me has to wonder if this isn't his payback for years of not being a very nice person to his family. I think it's harder, even still, to see how difficult this is for my mother. I don't, honestly, know how to she does all that she does. It's like taking care of a small baby most of the time...only with a teenager's defiance. She's a strong lady, that's a certainty.
I'm sitting here contemplating my life; taking stock of things I'm not happy with and how I can go about putting into motion actions that will change and improve it. I'm, sadly, at a standstill with this part of the train of thought.
I know I have to take things one day at a time. Continue to live my life in the best way that I know how. And, hope for the best. I have been a little slack in my prayers lately. Perhaps that is another issue that is adding angst to my life.
I am deciding to go for a walk after work today along the Greenway. I'm going to walk for more than 2 miles. Maybe that will be my focus and will be the "accomplishment" that I'm needing today.
As for work, things feel slow today. I don't like that. I'd rather have the phones ringing off the hook...and no time at all to even think about a blog, much less updating it. I definitely need to put forth more effort in praying more often and more sincerely. God knows this. I know this. Now, it's up to me to make it happen.
Wish me luck!
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
June 14th's blog-orama!
So, today's blog is going to be relatively short and sweet. Well, maybe not so sweet.
I worked. And, business was slow, I'm sorry to report. I'm hoping things pick back up as the week progresses.
I actually escaped the office around 5:30pm! That isn't a common occurrence. And, I was pretty happy with that.
On my way out the door of the office and my phone rings. It's my sister and she's being sweet (I should worry about this, I'm sure!) and she invites me to her house for dinner. YAY!
I ran by my house, changed into old shorts and T and sneakers and crammed in a 2 mile walk before heading over to her house. Let me tell you...yesterday was HOT! 93º! Sweltering. I probably only passed 6 people on the Greenway yesterday.
I enjoyed dinner with my sister and her husband and then headed home. I am now going to admit something that will make me seem horrendously cheesy and shallow. I watched...:::taking a deep breath:::..The Bachelorette. I don't know what it is about these types of shows that pull me in and make me watch. But, holy smokes! There are some bizarre people in this world...and not all of them live near me!
I have started a new book by Stephanie Kinsella (one of my favourite authors. She wrote the Shopaholic series. She writes total British humour and that just rocks my literary world). This book is titled "Twenties Girl". Chuckling has already begun. YAY!
I fell asleep sometime after midnight with the help of some Benedryl. I've been having these itchy fits lately. And, when I scratch, welts (kind of like those you get from a mosquito bite) appear along the scratch lines. Weird. Definitely. I Googled and it looks like a hive situation. Maybe brought on my stress? I have had just a little bit of that in the last few months. ::sigh::
I worked. And, business was slow, I'm sorry to report. I'm hoping things pick back up as the week progresses.
I actually escaped the office around 5:30pm! That isn't a common occurrence. And, I was pretty happy with that.
On my way out the door of the office and my phone rings. It's my sister and she's being sweet (I should worry about this, I'm sure!) and she invites me to her house for dinner. YAY!
I ran by my house, changed into old shorts and T and sneakers and crammed in a 2 mile walk before heading over to her house. Let me tell you...yesterday was HOT! 93º! Sweltering. I probably only passed 6 people on the Greenway yesterday.
I enjoyed dinner with my sister and her husband and then headed home. I am now going to admit something that will make me seem horrendously cheesy and shallow. I watched...:::taking a deep breath:::..The Bachelorette. I don't know what it is about these types of shows that pull me in and make me watch. But, holy smokes! There are some bizarre people in this world...and not all of them live near me!
I have started a new book by Stephanie Kinsella (one of my favourite authors. She wrote the Shopaholic series. She writes total British humour and that just rocks my literary world). This book is titled "Twenties Girl". Chuckling has already begun. YAY!
I fell asleep sometime after midnight with the help of some Benedryl. I've been having these itchy fits lately. And, when I scratch, welts (kind of like those you get from a mosquito bite) appear along the scratch lines. Weird. Definitely. I Googled and it looks like a hive situation. Maybe brought on my stress? I have had just a little bit of that in the last few months. ::sigh::
Monday, June 14, 2010
Why waste months on a lying, cheating jerk?
I have a rant. Oh, it is definitely a rant.
I have been trying to figure out why a man would express interest....pursue me....only to be playing a game and telling nothing but lies in the end (from the beginning). I'm baffled. I'm confused. I'm hurt. I'm angry. I'm saddened.
I had first spoken with Mr. P (P for "player", if you will) years ago...probably 4 (maybe even more) years ago. We apparently had great conversations via IM and email. Then, he disappeared (he was married...so, I'm assuming that he decided to focus on his wife and marriage). I forgot about him entirely. Then, last summer, he finds me online and the tenuous threads are picked back up. I didn't remember him. But, I did, after his jogging my memory, remember bits and pieces of conversations had years prior. It was nice. It was refreshing. It was fun. It was probably flirty...if I knew how to flirt.
He suggested meeting for brunch on a Sunday. How cool is that? It isn't traditional. It isn't what one would expect. It was perfect. The meeting went great! Better than I could have hoped or planned. Brunch started out with, what seemed, typical hilarity. He forgot his wallet. After assuring him that I could pay this time, he placed me into his Jeep and drove me back to his place (was I crazy?? Probably so.). He ran in...got the wallet...and then, we went back for brunch. The conversation was way better than the meal (although the later Krispy Kreme donut treat as "dessert" was definitely tasty).
He was separated from his wife, trying to find his place in life, and had these zany ideas about what could occur on what date. I found it totally funny....if rather strange, but respected those ideas. You can't map out a relationship or friendship. It just happens....at it's own pace.
We had many conversations on the phone, by IM, by text message. We didn't have as many face-to-face dates since our work schedules are total opposites and we live with an entire Metropolitan area between us. The dates we had seemed unconventional, but very fitting. We spent an evening sitting in the Marietta Town Square. We talked. We laughed. We commented on the "characters" that drifted through the Square. And, let me just say that there were definite characters!
Things seemed to be progressing at a rather nice pace. Or so I thought. He then decides that we can only be friends (uh huh....I thought that's what we were)...and, so I go that route according to his standards. Then, he pulls some wacky "You're going to fast" "It's all your fault" thing and disappears. Well, okay then! How did I miss the nutjob side?
He contacts me again, by text message, the first week of January, 2010. The tentative threads of a shaky friendship are picked up. They quickly strengthen and grow. Conversations again turn into lengthly ones. Flirting happens. Closeness seems to appear again. He sends email after email one morning about how he needs my address....how he HAS to come over. And, because I thought he was trustworthy and someone I liked, I allowed him. He turns on the charm and makes his move...and I fall for that. And, so the "relationship" goes. Or so I thought (again). There were a couple of times during these past 6 months where he'd pull back some...but, at least he was communicating this go round. I thought that was progress. He came to my house. I went to his townhouse. I spent the weekend there. We went out. We stayed in. We laughed. We had fun. We played. We cried. We snuggled. We shared amazing intimacies. We enjoyed getting to know each other. Or so I thought.
We made plans for things to do in the near future: a Maroon 5 concert. Other shows. Camping. Shooting. Pool. Movies. Dinners. Nothing and everything. The basis was always friendship (with the extras icing the top). Or so I thought.
Last Wednesday, I get an email (after having spent the weekend at his place (just an added bit: I was planning to go over Saturday morning....he made it clear that he'd rather have me come over Friday night...and so I did)). A familiar themed email saying how he needs to just be friends. He is having a difficult time spiritually. He needs to focus on himself. I can kind of understand that. I'm trying to understand that. I didn't want to lose who I thought was a great friend.
Then, I get an email on Thursday afternoon about how he has lied to me....used me. He said that this "friend" he'd told me about....JUST a friend....over and over that's what he said...wasn't "just a friend". He said that she was his girlfriend and lover of 15 months. Shock? Heck yes!! I tried to process this..and simply couldn't. Thinking back...he'd only been "seeing" her a VERY few months when he started searched for, found, and pursued me last summer! What the crap????
During the course of the night, I was pretty much called everything you could possibly imagine. I was told that it was my fault. I NEVER knew about her as anything other than his friend. Period. She claims that I should have seen things around his townhouse....her clothes...photos of her (there were supposedly many)....toiletries. I can sit here and tell you that Mr. P worked EXTREMELY hard to cover the tracks of this person. There were NO photos, other than ONE of his grandmother. There were NO toiletries (wait...I can't totally say that. I went into the upstairs guest bath for the first time that weekend. There was a hair dryer, a brush. He claims that these are things he bought for friends who happen to visit/stay over). There were NO women's clothes that I EVER saw. It looked like a bachelor pad. The first weekend spent over there...I wouldn't have thought a woman had EVER been there based on the bathrooms alone. I'm not perfect....I may slip once in a while in the dusting/vacuuming duties....but, I had to clean the bathrooms...and gagged while doing so. The kitchen got scrubbed as much as I could without offending Mr. P. Seriously? No woman could spend as much time as this one proclaims she does and have the bathrooms and kitchen look as they did. Well, maybe you can...but, you can bet your hiney that wouldn't be a place I'd want to visit too often!!
I think I'm the ONLY one who sees that it would take a crap-load of work to put away EVERY, SINGLE TRACE of a "girlfriend's" existence when, according to said "girlfriend", she had stuff all over his place. Errm....that's kind of sick, don't you think? (I failed to mention that she's married.....still living with her husband and kids. And, Mr. P is still married too).
Yesterday was the last straw --- getting text messages from the "girlfriend" accusing ME of calling Mr. P's phone twice and blocking my number? I'm an adult. I don't need the BS. I don't need their drama. I don't need their lies. I'm so sick of this type of behavior. I want a drama free life!! And, that's what I strive for. (More than once, he said that one of the things he liked best about me was that there wasn't any drama with me.) Seriously....those two have enough issues, problems, drama, lies and BS that their focus should NOT be on me!!! The "girlfriend" claims that they fight A LOT. Hmmm...I wonder why? Lies, BS, games and drama do that...cause fights!!
I'm angry with myself for allowing someone like that to totally snow me, lie to me, use me and waste months and months of my time.
I was a victim here. And, I despise being the victim. I'm moving forward. I'm trying to learn from this mistake (as I have from others in the past). I'm trying to figure out how I can tell when a lying bastard is lying. I'm simply done. I just want those two nutjobs to leave me the heck alone and allow me to live a life that they will never be able to attain without serious, and lengthy, professional help.
I'm not perfect...but, I don't have a need to lie and use people. I'm better than that.
Aren't there ANY decent, honest men out there???
I have been trying to figure out why a man would express interest....pursue me....only to be playing a game and telling nothing but lies in the end (from the beginning). I'm baffled. I'm confused. I'm hurt. I'm angry. I'm saddened.
I had first spoken with Mr. P (P for "player", if you will) years ago...probably 4 (maybe even more) years ago. We apparently had great conversations via IM and email. Then, he disappeared (he was married...so, I'm assuming that he decided to focus on his wife and marriage). I forgot about him entirely. Then, last summer, he finds me online and the tenuous threads are picked back up. I didn't remember him. But, I did, after his jogging my memory, remember bits and pieces of conversations had years prior. It was nice. It was refreshing. It was fun. It was probably flirty...if I knew how to flirt.
He suggested meeting for brunch on a Sunday. How cool is that? It isn't traditional. It isn't what one would expect. It was perfect. The meeting went great! Better than I could have hoped or planned. Brunch started out with, what seemed, typical hilarity. He forgot his wallet. After assuring him that I could pay this time, he placed me into his Jeep and drove me back to his place (was I crazy?? Probably so.). He ran in...got the wallet...and then, we went back for brunch. The conversation was way better than the meal (although the later Krispy Kreme donut treat as "dessert" was definitely tasty).
He was separated from his wife, trying to find his place in life, and had these zany ideas about what could occur on what date. I found it totally funny....if rather strange, but respected those ideas. You can't map out a relationship or friendship. It just happens....at it's own pace.
We had many conversations on the phone, by IM, by text message. We didn't have as many face-to-face dates since our work schedules are total opposites and we live with an entire Metropolitan area between us. The dates we had seemed unconventional, but very fitting. We spent an evening sitting in the Marietta Town Square. We talked. We laughed. We commented on the "characters" that drifted through the Square. And, let me just say that there were definite characters!
Things seemed to be progressing at a rather nice pace. Or so I thought. He then decides that we can only be friends (uh huh....I thought that's what we were)...and, so I go that route according to his standards. Then, he pulls some wacky "You're going to fast" "It's all your fault" thing and disappears. Well, okay then! How did I miss the nutjob side?
He contacts me again, by text message, the first week of January, 2010. The tentative threads of a shaky friendship are picked up. They quickly strengthen and grow. Conversations again turn into lengthly ones. Flirting happens. Closeness seems to appear again. He sends email after email one morning about how he needs my address....how he HAS to come over. And, because I thought he was trustworthy and someone I liked, I allowed him. He turns on the charm and makes his move...and I fall for that. And, so the "relationship" goes. Or so I thought (again). There were a couple of times during these past 6 months where he'd pull back some...but, at least he was communicating this go round. I thought that was progress. He came to my house. I went to his townhouse. I spent the weekend there. We went out. We stayed in. We laughed. We had fun. We played. We cried. We snuggled. We shared amazing intimacies. We enjoyed getting to know each other. Or so I thought.
We made plans for things to do in the near future: a Maroon 5 concert. Other shows. Camping. Shooting. Pool. Movies. Dinners. Nothing and everything. The basis was always friendship (with the extras icing the top). Or so I thought.
Last Wednesday, I get an email (after having spent the weekend at his place (just an added bit: I was planning to go over Saturday morning....he made it clear that he'd rather have me come over Friday night...and so I did)). A familiar themed email saying how he needs to just be friends. He is having a difficult time spiritually. He needs to focus on himself. I can kind of understand that. I'm trying to understand that. I didn't want to lose who I thought was a great friend.
Then, I get an email on Thursday afternoon about how he has lied to me....used me. He said that this "friend" he'd told me about....JUST a friend....over and over that's what he said...wasn't "just a friend". He said that she was his girlfriend and lover of 15 months. Shock? Heck yes!! I tried to process this..and simply couldn't. Thinking back...he'd only been "seeing" her a VERY few months when he started searched for, found, and pursued me last summer! What the crap????
During the course of the night, I was pretty much called everything you could possibly imagine. I was told that it was my fault. I NEVER knew about her as anything other than his friend. Period. She claims that I should have seen things around his townhouse....her clothes...photos of her (there were supposedly many)....toiletries. I can sit here and tell you that Mr. P worked EXTREMELY hard to cover the tracks of this person. There were NO photos, other than ONE of his grandmother. There were NO toiletries (wait...I can't totally say that. I went into the upstairs guest bath for the first time that weekend. There was a hair dryer, a brush. He claims that these are things he bought for friends who happen to visit/stay over). There were NO women's clothes that I EVER saw. It looked like a bachelor pad. The first weekend spent over there...I wouldn't have thought a woman had EVER been there based on the bathrooms alone. I'm not perfect....I may slip once in a while in the dusting/vacuuming duties....but, I had to clean the bathrooms...and gagged while doing so. The kitchen got scrubbed as much as I could without offending Mr. P. Seriously? No woman could spend as much time as this one proclaims she does and have the bathrooms and kitchen look as they did. Well, maybe you can...but, you can bet your hiney that wouldn't be a place I'd want to visit too often!!
I think I'm the ONLY one who sees that it would take a crap-load of work to put away EVERY, SINGLE TRACE of a "girlfriend's" existence when, according to said "girlfriend", she had stuff all over his place. Errm....that's kind of sick, don't you think? (I failed to mention that she's married.....still living with her husband and kids. And, Mr. P is still married too).
Yesterday was the last straw --- getting text messages from the "girlfriend" accusing ME of calling Mr. P's phone twice and blocking my number? I'm an adult. I don't need the BS. I don't need their drama. I don't need their lies. I'm so sick of this type of behavior. I want a drama free life!! And, that's what I strive for. (More than once, he said that one of the things he liked best about me was that there wasn't any drama with me.) Seriously....those two have enough issues, problems, drama, lies and BS that their focus should NOT be on me!!! The "girlfriend" claims that they fight A LOT. Hmmm...I wonder why? Lies, BS, games and drama do that...cause fights!!
I'm angry with myself for allowing someone like that to totally snow me, lie to me, use me and waste months and months of my time.
I was a victim here. And, I despise being the victim. I'm moving forward. I'm trying to learn from this mistake (as I have from others in the past). I'm trying to figure out how I can tell when a lying bastard is lying. I'm simply done. I just want those two nutjobs to leave me the heck alone and allow me to live a life that they will never be able to attain without serious, and lengthy, professional help.
I'm not perfect...but, I don't have a need to lie and use people. I'm better than that.
Aren't there ANY decent, honest men out there???
A new life begins...
The past several months have taught me a few very valuable things. You can always count on yourself. Follow your instincts as they will rarely steer you wrong. You will be surprised by who your real friends are. Take care of yourself because no one else will do it for you.
I'm going to try this blogging business. So many people find this outlet to be helpful in some way. I'm looking for a cathartic release along with an organization of the files in my mind and a public accountability of my actions. I'm certain this first blog is going to feel disjointed. That is how my ideas and thought processes are right now. I'm hopeful that this blogging business will put order back to this.
To give you a brief history of these several months to which I refer, I lived in an apartment near the Gwinnett Place Mall. This are used to be GREAT! Now? Not so much. It's actually rather scary and from this point forward, will be referred to as "Slumville". The "brilliant" ladies in the leasing office of my apartment complex thought it would be a great idea to lease the apartment next to mine to two 19 year old girls who met on the internet to share an apartment. Now, I don't know about you, but this just smacks of "recipe for disaster." And, I wasn't wrong. In the one month of their tenancy, the police were called out more than 6 times due to their horrendous fighting and noises. I swear that they had to have been body slamming each other against the walls. That could be the only way I could imagine that MY pictures would fall from the walls. I wasn't the only one complaining. There were plenty of other neighbors as well. I became the target of the 19 year old idiots...and their moronic friends. The culmination of this wonderful living environment was their being evicted and two days after, their breaking into my apartment and stealing my property (from the 42" flat screen to the toilet paper). Yeah. That was fun! The police screwed up so many times that it could be a comedy on some unreality TV show.
The best thing to come from this horrific event was my finding a great house that I moved to in April. It's old. It's quirky. It's gorgeous. It's safe feeling. It's charming. It's home.
I find myself in this new house...this new town...this new setting..and I want to renew myself! I have goals. I have ambition. I'm making progress! YAY!
I started making use of the great greenway space that is so very convenient to my new home. I started out with a walk of just 1.5 miles. I felt so amazing after that accomplishment. I bumped that up to 3 miles..and..WOW! Nothing can stop me now! Yesterday's walk was 3.5 miles. I was a hot, sweaty, disastrous mess when I finished. But, boy...did I feel GREAT about an accomplishment. Even better? The shorts that had "fit" just 2 weeks prior...are now baggy. GO ME!
I'm going to TRY to keep regular updates on here that will mark my progress and hold me accountable! I will NOT fail again! I WILL SUCCEED!
I'm going to try this blogging business. So many people find this outlet to be helpful in some way. I'm looking for a cathartic release along with an organization of the files in my mind and a public accountability of my actions. I'm certain this first blog is going to feel disjointed. That is how my ideas and thought processes are right now. I'm hopeful that this blogging business will put order back to this.
To give you a brief history of these several months to which I refer, I lived in an apartment near the Gwinnett Place Mall. This are used to be GREAT! Now? Not so much. It's actually rather scary and from this point forward, will be referred to as "Slumville". The "brilliant" ladies in the leasing office of my apartment complex thought it would be a great idea to lease the apartment next to mine to two 19 year old girls who met on the internet to share an apartment. Now, I don't know about you, but this just smacks of "recipe for disaster." And, I wasn't wrong. In the one month of their tenancy, the police were called out more than 6 times due to their horrendous fighting and noises. I swear that they had to have been body slamming each other against the walls. That could be the only way I could imagine that MY pictures would fall from the walls. I wasn't the only one complaining. There were plenty of other neighbors as well. I became the target of the 19 year old idiots...and their moronic friends. The culmination of this wonderful living environment was their being evicted and two days after, their breaking into my apartment and stealing my property (from the 42" flat screen to the toilet paper). Yeah. That was fun! The police screwed up so many times that it could be a comedy on some unreality TV show.
The best thing to come from this horrific event was my finding a great house that I moved to in April. It's old. It's quirky. It's gorgeous. It's safe feeling. It's charming. It's home.
I find myself in this new house...this new town...this new setting..and I want to renew myself! I have goals. I have ambition. I'm making progress! YAY!
I started making use of the great greenway space that is so very convenient to my new home. I started out with a walk of just 1.5 miles. I felt so amazing after that accomplishment. I bumped that up to 3 miles..and..WOW! Nothing can stop me now! Yesterday's walk was 3.5 miles. I was a hot, sweaty, disastrous mess when I finished. But, boy...did I feel GREAT about an accomplishment. Even better? The shorts that had "fit" just 2 weeks prior...are now baggy. GO ME!
I'm going to TRY to keep regular updates on here that will mark my progress and hold me accountable! I will NOT fail again! I WILL SUCCEED!
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